Confessions
by persephone2
Summary: This is a four part Josh and Donna fic about some late night confessions after the President is re-elected and the aftermath of those confessions.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Confessions (1/4).  
Author: Jane Morrison (LUCKYJ50@aol.com)  
Rating: R   
Spoilers: None from the show. It's all J/D.   
Summary: Josh and Donna and some late night "confessions".   
~~~  
~~~Confessions~~~  
Chapter 1 - "Night Moves"  
  
I think I tuned her out a long time ago. And ya know I'm not really proud of that. I mean, it's not that I'm not interested in what she's saying. I am. I really, really am. Besides, while I'm not really listening to the *words* she's saying, I'm most definitely listening to her *voice* because I really love the sound of her voice and the way she goes on and on and on without even taking a breath when she's excited about something.   
  
Truth be told, I'm a bit distracted (well, okay, a lot more than a *bit* distracted) by the way her nipples are standing nicely at attention in that skimpy little red dress she's wearing. Have I mentioned how beautiful she looks in that dress? More importantly, you ask, have I mentioned it to *her*? Well, no, I haven't. I promise to remedy that soon, but right now I'm in this champagne and wine induced haze. I'm also having some pretty impure thoughts about her, but I'm guessing you might have figured that out already. Have I had these thoughts before? Well, yes, I have, once or twice. Well, okay, a whole lot more than once or twice. I have those thoughts about her pretty much every time I look at her, and right now I'm having visions of what she looks like under that dress, and I imagine her skin is pale and smooth as silk. I don't think this way about all women. Only Donnatella. My very own Donnatella. I do think of her as mine, you know. But of course she doesn't know this. I really should tell her. But it's all I can think about right now with her looking so beautiful in all her excitement. I swear she's glowing.   
  
God, I love her.  
  
"God, I love you."  
_____  
  
He isn't listening to me, which is nothing new. He never listens to me, but still I go on and on. It's been an exciting night and I just want to talk about it. He, on the other hand is sitting in his chair, feet up on his desk, eyes glazed over, a slight smile on his face, obviously in his own little world. So, anyway, I'm rambling on about something, I have no idea what, not that it really matters since he's not listening to me anyway, when I hear the words that make my heart stop.  
  
"God, I love you."  
  
At least that's what I *think* he says. It comes out in the slightest whisper, so I'm not really sure that's what he's said, but it sure sounds like it. I stop talking, my mouth open in mid-sentence. Oh, God, how to respond. Do I let him know I heard him, or just ignore it? I finally decide to on the latter. I have to call his name a few times to get a response, even though he's looking right at me.   
  
"Josh? Joshua?"  
  
He finally speaks as if he's just come out of a coma. "Yea?"  
  
"So, I had sex with this really cute guy at lunch."  
  
"Uh huh"  
  
"God, it was so amazing. You wouldn't believe the things he did to me. I mean, really, Josh, the things he did!!!"  
  
He nods his head. I swear he's looking right at me, but he certainly doesn't comprehend what I'm saying. "Uh huh."  
  
"Joshua, are you drunk?"  
  
He runs both hands through his hair. "I'm sorry?"  
  
"Are you drunk? I think you're drunk."  
  
He nods. "Yea, maybe just a little."  
  
"Have you even heard a word I've said?"  
  
He smiles that slow, seductive smile of his. The one that still gets to me every time he does it.   
  
"Every word."  
  
"Liar."  
  
"I am not lying."  
  
I fold my arms over my chest. "Prove it. Tell me what I said. Every word."  
  
"Ummmm...something about the President being reelected?"   
  
"Lucky guess. What else?" I act annoyed. I'm not really.   
  
"Okay, I'll admit I kinda lost you a while back. It's all that wine and champagne. Makes my head a little fuzzy. Don't take it personally."   
  
"So why did you let me keep talking?"  
  
"Truthfully?"  
  
"Please"  
  
"Because I love the sound of your voice. I could listen to you talk for hours, Donna. It doesn't much matter what you're saying either."  
  
Under my breath, I say, "Likewise." Because I could, even when he's infuriating me, which he often is.   
  
"What?" he asks.  
  
"What, what?"  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"Nothing. It was nothing."   
  
He sighs deeply, never taking his eyes off mine. The way he's looking at me is making me nervous, very nervous, especially in light of the fact that I *think* he just told me a few minutes ago that he loves me. I think I need to get out of here. Fast.   
  
"Um, Josh. I need to go home and get some sleep. I mean..." I glance at my watch. "I have to be back here in about four hours."  
  
"So stay here and sleep. I am"  
  
"Josh. You aren't."  
  
"I am. Why go home? Morning will be here before we know it. I'm camping out on the couch. Wanna join me?"  
  
"Joshua!"  
  
I feign shock, but the thought of Josh and me on the couch is something I've had plenty of schoolgirl (okay, NOT so schoolgirl) fantasies about. It's tempting. Really, really tempting. And the thing is, I'd be happy just to lie there with his arms around me all night. See, with Josh, it isn't just physical attraction (which he knows nothing about, by the way). It's a lot more than that. Oh, yea, a *lot* more. I really want to stay. But he's drunk and I know I have to go before something happens that we both might regret in the cold light of day.  
  
He shrugs. "Well, it was a thought. Considering we both have to work in four hours. I'm just saying..."  
  
"I really need to...um... go. You know."  
  
"Yea. Okay. Suit yourself." He gets up and circles the desk and makes his way to the couch, slumping down and resting his hands behind his head. That smile again. Like he has this big secret. He thinks he's gotten away with it. He's killing me. He really is.  
  
"I'm going then."  
  
"Okay. Be careful going home. I'll see you in a few hours."  
  
I nod and gather my things, make my way to the door. I get half way down the hall and realize my keys are on his desk. I go back to retrieve them.  
  
His eyes are sparkling and he looks hopeful. "Back so soon?"  
  
I pick up my keys and hold them up for him to see. "Keys."  
  
"Yea. Whatever."  
  
"I'm *really* going now."  
  
"You're sure? 'Cause I'd swear you keep finding excuses to stay. Oh, and just in case I forgot to tell you, you look beautiful in that dress, Donna. Really, really beautiful."  
  
My face flames, probably as red as my dress, the one I bought for him. But of course he doesn't know this. "Oh. Josh. Thank you. Really, thank you. I um...  
  
He smiles, "I know, you're *really* going now."   
  
And I do start to leave, but I stop in the doorway and wait a long minute before speaking. My heart is pounding. I need to know for sure. I don't look at him when I speak. I can't.  
  
"Joshua."  
  
"Donnatella." Oh, God if he ever wants to reduce me to mush all he has to do is call me Donnatella in that low, conspiratorial voice of his. I wonder if he knows that, because he always chooses just the right moment to say it.  
  
"I just wanted you to know, I, um, I heard you, you know...before." Jesus. Talk about schoolgirls. I'm not usually so tongue-tied.  
  
I finally look at him because he doesn't say anything for a really long time. And I see that smile again, only there's something different in his expression. Something deeper, something unspoken. Finally he stops smiling and looks very serious when he says, "Yea. I know."  
  
I take a deep breath. "Okay, just so we're clear on that."  
  
"Yea. We're clear."  
  
"Okay. Goodnight then."   
  
He closes his eyes. "G'night."  
  
I start to leave again, and I get all the way to the exit when I decide to go back. He's right. I don't want to leave, at least not until I've told him how I feel, too. I'm no longer worried about how we'll feel in the morning. I stop in the doorway and look over at him and laugh softly. He's sound asleep, and I must say, looking quite endearing in that sleep. I go to him and lean over him, kiss him lightly on the cheek and whisper, "I love you, too, Joshua Lyman." I stand and look at him for the longest time before I head once more for the door.   
  
I swear I hear him whisper, "I know" in his sleep as I'm leaving. 


	2. About Last Night

Chapter 2 - "About Last Night"   
So. I told her. I told her I love her. Jesus. What was I thinking? And, it gets worse. She told me she loves me, too, but I'm not sure she knows that I know that. And now I have to face her, sober, in the cold light of day. I'm actually dreading it as I walk down the hall to my office, and I know the headache throbbing in my temples isn't just from last night's overindulgence. She's not at her desk, and there are no signs that she's been there yet. It's not like her to be late. In fact, she's always here extremely early, and stays extremely late. Dedicated. Oh, yes. My precious Donnatella is nothing if not dedicated. I didn't lie to her. I do love her. Really I do. I'm just saying. I didn't mean to tell her last night. It just came out before I could stop myself.   
  
I sit down at my desk and start to shuffle through some papers with one hand as I rub my temple with the other. I'm looking for a report I need for a meeting with Leo in about ten minutes. An important report; an important meeting. I can't find it anywhere and I'm really in no mood to go looking for it.   
  
"Donna!!" I yell even though I know she isn't here.   
  
"I'm right here, Josh."   
  
I jump, because I have no idea where she's come from. I look up at her, briefly, because I'm afraid to make eye contact. "Oh, sorry. Where the hell did you come from? "   
  
"Venus, Josh. I came from Venus. I'm a Goddess, you know."   
  
"What?"   
  
"Never mind."   
  
"Where's....."   
  
She hands me the report along with three Advil. She's always had this innate ability to know exactly what I need before I ask for it. And she's always there with it. I don't think she's ever let me down. She's really the perfect assistant. I can't imagine my life without her. I look up at her again, a vision in lavender. Those perky little breasts taunting me again from under her sweater, her long blonde hair hanging over her shoulders, not pulled back as it so often is. She's killing me. She really is. I finally get up the nerve to look into her eyes. She looks tired, but hopeful. And did I mention beautiful? Well, in case I forgot, she looks beautiful.   
  
"How do you do that?"   
  
She shrugs. "It's my job. Did you sleep?"   
  
"No. Not much."   
  
"Did you shower?"   
  
"I did. I have a full day today don't I?"   
  
"You do."   
  
"Tell me. I don't remember."   
  
"You have Leo in about five minutes."   
  
"Right. What else?"   
  
"Where do you want me to start?"   
  
I get up from my desk and make my way to the door as Donna moves aside to let me pass. "Never mind. I'll just come back here and you can point me in the right direction."   
  
"Whatever."   
  
"What does that mean? "   
  
"Nothing. Really, Josh. It means nothing. Just come back here when you're finished with Leo. I'll be waiting."   
  
I return from my meeting with Leo to find her just as cold and professional as when I left her. Not that I expected her to be different. I understand why she's being so snippy today, I really do, but I feel powerless. I have no idea what to say to her now that I'm sober. It was so easy last night when I was under the influence and the words just slipped out. I kind of tune her out again because I'm remembering the way she looked last night when she found out I knew she'd heard me. I don't think I'll ever forget the look on her face. I know she wants me to say something now, I can sense it. She wants me to assure her that I really did say I love her, but I can't.   
  
See, here's the thing, I'm an ass when it comes to women and I really have no idea how to treat them unless I'm being a smart-ass. Besides, no matter how much I want to take her somewhere right now and make wild, passionate love to her (and make no mistake, it would be that: wild, passionate and all consuming), I just can't. I decide it's better to just leave it alone for now. And it hurts her. I'm not so much of an ass that I don't see that.   
  
"Josh. You're not listening to me again."   
  
"I'm not. You're right."   
  
"Well, I said The President wants you now. Right now."   
  
"RIght. I need to make this copy and then I'm on my way."   
  
She follows me to the copier.   
  
"Josh, can we talk later?" I'm surprised she brings it up. I've been hoping she wouldn't.   
  
"I don't know, Donna. I have a lot...."   
  
"I know...to do today. Why do I bother asking?" I feel her eyes on me as I walk away from her.   
  
____  
  
Sam walks by the copier, sees me staring after Josh and then turns back to look at me while he gets a cup of coffee. I fear he's heard our exchange. He'll ask questions. Sam can never just leave something alone.   
  
"So, what's up?"   
  
"Nothing, why?"   
  
"That look." Yep, he's heard our exchange. "You look...I don't know. Can't put my finger on it. Pensive? Yea. That's it. You look pensive and preoccupied. Maybe a little pissed."   
  
"I'm just tired. All the excitement last night, you know."   
  
"Something happened between you and Josh last night didn't it?"   
  
Well, that was blunt. I blink a few times. How the hell does he know? "Who?"   
  
"Josh. You know, that guy you work for. I sense a *thing* with you two today."   
  
"A *thing*?"   
  
"Yea. A *thing*."   
  
"It's more like a *nothing*."   
  
"No, I'm definitely sensing some tension between you two today. You know, a *thing*."   
  
I shrug as I walk away. "Ask Josh".   
  
The prospects of actually being able to talk to Josh about our mutual "confessions" last night are looking pretty slim. He's a ball of energy today, rushing here and there, going to meetings, and clearly ignoring me. Yep, he's definitely ignoring me, making sure there are no opportunities for us to be alone. He's afraid; I understand that. I do. But we can't just ignore what we said last night, can we? Now I'm thinking maybe he didn't mean he *loves* me loves me, you know? Maybe he meant he loves me as a friend. And I still don't know if he heard me tell him I love him, too. How the hell did we get into this mess?   
  
____  
  
7:30 P.M.   
  
I walk into his office and sit in the chair opposite him. It's a few minutes before he looks up and I stare him down.   
  
"What?" He looks tired, and maybe a little scared about what I might say.   
  
"Joshua. We need to talk."   
  
"Talk? About what?"   
  
"About last night"   
  
"Hey, wasn't that the name of a Rob Lowe movie? God...he's my favorite actor."   
  
"Very funny, Josh."   
  
"Yea, I crack myself up sometimes."   
  
"I'm trying to be serious here, a word which, by the way, doesn't appear to be in your vocabulary. I give up. Honestly, Josh, I just give up."   
  
I get up and walk out the door.   
  
"Where are you going?" He yells after me.   
  
"Home. I have plans tonight."   
  
I sound mad. I'm not. Well, I am mad, but I'm mostly disappointed. But seriously, what did I expect? Roses and a diamond ring? Hardly. But a nice "Good morning, Donna, you're looking lovely today and oh, by the way, my feelings for you haven't changed since last night and I still love you," wouldn't have been out of line, would it? I really don't think that's too much to ask. I mean, you know, if he really meant that he *loves* me, loves me.   
  
"Plans? You have plans. Tonight?" He seems incredulous at the prospect.   
  
"Contrary to what you might think of me, Josh, I DO have a life away from here. And on rare occasion, such as tonight, I have things to do, people to see."   
  
"Fine. Go home then."   
  
Tears sting my eyes as I gather my things and leave. And not the same tears of joy I felt last night when I left him.   
  
____   
  
So. I let her leave without saying anything. Good move, Josh. Really good move. Things will never be the same between us again and it's all your fault. I lean back in my chair, rubbing the back of my neck. The headache from this morning shows no signs of letting up. I sit for hours, getting absolutely nothing done, finally realizing that we simply can't go through another day like today, and I'm the only one who can remedy it. It's now 1:00 in the morning and I find myself at her apartment, dialing her number on my cell phone.   
  
____  
  
I'm sitting on the couch in my best flannels, staring at late night TV and wondering why I can't sleep. But of course I know why I can't sleep. It's all so unresolved, and if every day is going to be like today it will never be resolved. I hate Josh tonight. I really, really do. I'm startled by the sound of the phone ringing and consider not answering it, but I'm one of those people who can't stand to let a phone go unanswered, so I pick it up.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
"Hey. What are you doing?"   
  
"It's 1:00 in the morning, Josh. What do most people do when it's 1:00 in the morning?"   
  
"You weren't sleeping were you? I mean you don't sound like you were sleeping and besides, I hear the TV."   
  
"Josh."   
  
"I'm outside. Can I come up? "   
  
"No."   
  
"Donna, please."   
  
"Okay. But just for a minute."   
  
He immediately knocks at my door, which I open.   
  
"Um, hi. Okay, so I wasn't downstairs. I was right outside your door."   
  
He has his hand on the door frame and is leaning in, looking around.   
  
"There's no one here, Josh, if that's what you're looking for."   
  
"I'm not. I was just...."   
  
"You should go."   
  
"I don't wanna go. I wanna come in. Can I come in?"   
  
"I shouldn't let you in."   
  
He smiles and does this little jumping thing he does sometimes when he's excited. He's acting 15, which isn't unusual for him. "Please? Pretty please"   
  
I can't resist him when he's like this. He's so cute. Damn him. I motion him inside and close the door behind him.   
  
"So, you want some coffee? Beer?"   
  
"You're offering refreshments?"   
  
"I am."   
  
"Beer's good."   
  
"You know where it is." There's no way I'm waiting on him.  
  
He goes to the kitchen, calls to me. "Can I get you something?"   
  
"A good stiff drink would be lovely."   
  
"I'm sorry?"   
  
"I'll have a beer, too." Something tells me I'm going to need alcohol   
  
He comes back in the living room, starts to hand me my beer but I wave it off. I decide I don't really want it. He shrugs as he puts it down on the end table and sits on the couch, then settles in as if he intends to stay awhile. I'm still by the door, arms crossed over my chest.   
  
"So, cold pizza." He's eyeing it ravenously. I know he's probably just left work and hasn't eaten anything.   
  
"Help yourself."   
  
He picks up a slice and starts chewing on it. "I thought you had plans."   
  
"I did."   
  
"Yea. So you said. Was it a date?"   
  
"Maybe."   
  
"Anyone I know?"   
  
"Josh."   
  
He puts up his hand. "Sorry. None of my business." Okay, so it wasn't a date, but I don't want him to know that. He looks around and sees my diary, lying open on the coffee table. "You've been writing in your diary."   
  
"I have."   
  
"I would have thought you'd given that up long ago, you know, after..."   
  
"After Cliff, you mean. There's nothing in it that could even remotely be considered to be about the President."   
  
He grins. "Did you write about me? Can I read it?"   
  
"Josh. Don't start with me."   
  
"Come on, tell me. Lemme read it." He sounds exasperated. He's trying to be his usual playful self. But his expression changes when he says, "Seriously, I came to apologize."   
  
"Accepted." I put my hand on the door and open it. "I'll see you tomorrow."   
  
"Look, Donna. I was a total smart ass today."   
  
"And this is different than any other day, how?"   
  
He flinches a little. That one hurt. "See, the thing is...." He runs his hand through his hair and says, "Okay, wait, can you close the door and come and sit down? 'Cause you're making me nervous standing there by the door."   
  
I take a deep breath, close the door and say, "Fine."   
  
I sit down on the chair opposite him, hands folded in my lap, biting my lip. I feel like I'm in school and one of the nuns is going to yell at me. I have no idea what he's going to say, so I speak first.  
  
"So, the *thing*."   
  
"Thing?"   
  
"You started to say, 'the thing is...;"   
  
"Oh, that. The thing is...see, the thing is, Donna, I heard you last night, too. You know, just before you left."   
  
My heart does this funny little flip thing in my chest. "You did? I mean, you weren't really sleeping?"   
  
"No. I wasn't."   
  
"But you were pretending to be."   
  
"Yea. I was. I wanted to hear what you'd say if you thought I couldn't hear."   
  
"So like you."   
  
He looks at me for a long time, contemplating his next move. Finally he takes a deep breath.   
  
"Donna, Donna, Donna. Donnatella, Donna, Donna."   
  
Oh, nice, now he mocks me.   
  
"Josh. What?"   
  
"It's all so complicated, isn't it?"   
  
"Does it have to be?"   
  
"Yea, it has to be. All relationships are complicated. It's a fact of life."   
  
"Then let's uncomplicate it."   
  
"What? How?" His sounds disappointed.  
  
"We can forget last night ever happened."   
  
"Why would we want to do that?"   
  
"Well, I just figured after the way you acted today that you wanted to forget about it."   
  
"Donna. I don't. But we were at work. We can't go public with this thing yet."   
  
"Ha. Everyone already knows."   
  
He looks genuinely shocked. "What? They know? You told someone? Who did you tell?"   
  
"I didn't tell anyone. But Sam knows. He grilled me about it today. They've all known for four years, you know. Unlike someone who's sitting in this room."   
  
He's quiet for a minute, looking around confused, then looks at me, smiling. "Oh, you mean me? Ah, but, Donna, that's where you're wrong. I've known it all along."   
  
He has?   
  
"You have? I mean, you have, really? Josh."   
  
"Sure. I just didn't *know* it, know it. But now that I really know it, I realize it's been there all along."   
  
Thank God no one else hears this conversation. It would make them dizzy. It's making me dizzy.   
  
"I see."   
  
"It's just that it's complicated."   
  
"So you said."   
  
"Everything we do reflects on the President. You know that. I don't even know what the policy is for inter-office relationships. And besides, things are going to be crazy for awhile."   
  
"No kidding. We'll be spending all our time at the office."   
  
"Well, look at it this way, at least we'll be together."   
  
"I'm not so sure that will be a good thing." I lie. It's the *best* thing.  
  
"I don't think we should really pursue anything right now with all that's going on. But that doesn't mean we can't have fun. Think about it, Donna, the longing glances at the office, the *accidental* touches as I brush up against you at the copier, my face in your hair for just a split second. It'll be, you know, exciting, and titillating."   
  
I consider this. "Titillating could be fun, yes."   
  
"God, I've always wanted to use that word. I like it even better when you use it. Seriously, though, I know it's not fair for me to ask you to wait four years for me. It's an awfully long time."   
  
"Do you really want me to wait?"   
  
He nods. "Yea, I do."   
  
Something about his tone and his softened expression takes all my anger away. "I'd wait forever for you, Josh. Even though you are an egotistical smart ass most of the time."   
  
"Yea. I know. But admit it, it's part of my charm, isn't it?"   
  
I smile. Because he's right. It is part of his charm. And I'm drawn to that about him. Call me crazy, I find it endearing and infuriating all at the same time. "Yes, Josh, it is definitely part of your charm."   
  
He gets up from the couch and comes over to kneel in front of me, taking my hands in his. He looks up at me, eyes shining. "I love you, Donna. I really do love you.".   
  
"I love you, too, Josh. I really do."   
  
We stand up and he pulls me close. Oh God. Anticipation is such a wonderful thing. I want to freeze this moment forever. To always remember the look, the gleam in his eyes, the sweet smile on his face, and the nervous way he licks his lips as he puts his hands on either side of my face. "Can I kiss you? 'Cause if I don't I just might die. In fact I know I'll die. Right here in your apartment. See, the *real* thing is, Donnatella Moss, I've wanted to kiss you for so long. So, can I? Please?"   
  
I smile, tears of happiness welling in my eyes. I think I see a few in his eyes, too. I think he's afraid I'll say no. I don't, of course. I sigh deeply, a long drawn out, relieved sigh. "Yes. Oh, yes, please."   
  
He leans in, his hands in my hair, and my lips yield to his kiss, soft, warm, searching and oh-so-inviting. 


	3. A Night to Remember

Chapter 3 - "A Night to Remember"  
"Um, Donna, I should go."   
  
"So you keep saying. And yet you stay."  
  
"And yet I stay."  
  
"And why is that Joshua?"  
  
"Because, as you so eloquently reminded me earlier today, Donnatella, you are a goddess. And you make it very hard, and I do mean that in the literal sense, for me to leave you."  
  
"Joshua! Shut up and kiss me."  
  
I don't really have to tell him this because he can't *stop* kissing me. Every time he gets out the door, he ends up coming back for just one more kiss. It's incredible. I've dreamed about Josh kissing me so many times, but I have to say, this is nothing like I imagined. I guess it's because he is normally so full of himself, and quite the egomaniac, that I always thought it would be all about him when it came to kissing and all the other things that can go with that. But, oh, it is *so* not about him. He's making it all about *me* and I love him that much more for it.   
  
"God, I don't want to leave you."  
  
"I know. But you really have to. It's late and you're tired. And I'm tired. And we have to be at work in three hours."  
  
"You'll call me in the morning? I mean in three hours?"  
  
I smile and kiss him again. "I'll call you."  
  
"No. Don't call. Come in late. You need to sleep."  
  
"Josh. I'll be there at my usual time. But thanks."  
  
"Okay, but it could be a really long time before you get that kind of offer again."  
  
"I'll take my chances. Besides, who in their right mind would want to be home in bed sleeping when she can spend the day with you?"  
  
"Hmmm.. Another of those *rare* valid points."  
  
"I'll have you know I have many more than just the "rare" valid point."  
  
"Donna. Shut up and kiss me."  
  
And so it went for another half hour or so until Josh finally left. Of course I didn't sleep. I mean, really. How did I expect to sleep after Josh kissed me. I swear I lay in bed all night with the silliest grin on my face. I bet Josh did, too.  
  
So now it's Thanksgiving Eve, three weeks since the night in my apartment. I've relived it a thousand times, since there's been no repeat performances since then. So like Josh. Leave them panting in the aisles, then act as if nothing ever happened. Oh, okay, he isn't acting as if *nothing* happened. There have been the occasional "accidental" brushes against my body, the longing looks from his office. Sometimes I look up and catch him staring at me. He just smiles and does this little wave thing. It's really kind of cute. Kind of high school but still, when he does it I'm stopped dead in my tracks by a strong wave of desire. It also happens whenever I think about the way he kissed me and the way he said he loved me. I guess it has to be enough for now. But I'm here to tell you; I may explode if something doesn't happen soon. I'm like a junkie now that I've had a taste of Josh Lyman. I just want more and more and more. And I'm getting next to nothing.  
  
"Donna!"  
  
His bellowing voice pulls me from my daydream.  
  
"Josh, I'm right outside your office. You don't have to yell."  
  
"In my office. Now!!"  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
I grab my paper and pen and go into his office as he comes around the desk toward me. "Why are the blinds closed? You never close the blinds." He gently pulls the paper and pen from my hands and reaches behind me to close the door, then takes my hands, as he backs me up against the door.  
  
"Um, Josh, what are you...?"  
  
"What am I doing?" He leans into me, his mouth inches from mine. "This...just this." And his lips are on mine, kissing me. Passionately. Wow. I was so not expecting this. We're all groping hands and desperate kisses. We come up for air, finally.   
  
"God, I needed that. I just couldn't take another minute." I swear he's panting.  
  
"Um, me too. But, Josh..."  
  
"Hmmm???" He whispers against my mouth.  
  
"Is this a good idea? I mean...I needed this, too, but..."  
  
"But, what? No one can see us. I've closed the blinds, remember?"  
  
"Right."  
  
We kiss some more, and pretty soon I feel his hand, warm and soft, under my sweater, moving around to the front until it's on my breast. This is uncharted territory for us. Now I'm panting and I feel my knees start to buckle. I want him right here and right now. I'm just about ready to throw him down on the desk and have my way with him. I *need* to have my way with him. And I sense he feels the same. In fact, I can *tell* he feels the same.  
  
Suddenly I hear a knock from the other side of the door. Josh seems not to hear as he continues to kiss me.  
  
"Josh.," I say breathlessly.  
  
"Yea?"  
  
"Door."  
  
"Door?"  
  
"Um, someone is knocking on the door."  
  
"Oh, shit. Shit."  
  
He pulls away from me and hastily and nervously straightens his clothes before sitting behind his desk again. He motions for me to open the door. I'm a mess. We're both a mess, because this was so not a good time for us to be interrupted. I try to pull myself together as best I can before I open the door.  
  
"Oh, Sam. Hi. Um, we were..."   
  
He glances my way. "Yea, whatever." He dismisses me and turns to Josh as I make a hasty retreat from his office. As I'm leaving I hear him say, "We've got that thing in ten minutes."  
  
"Thing? What thing?" Poor Josh, he really is so flustered.  
  
"You know, the thing with Leo. I don't remember what it is."  
  
"'k. Yea. I'll be there. I just need a minute."  
  
_____  
  
I take a deep breath and watch Sam leave. I couldn't stand up now if my life depended on it. Sam is gone for a minute or so, but then he comes back in, pointing toward the vicinity of my face.  
  
"Lipstick."  
  
"I'm sorry?"  
  
"Lipstick on your face. It's a good color on you, Josh. You should wear it more often."  
  
"Oh." I swallow really hard as I reach up to touch the spot where I know it will be.   
  
"I'd probably wipe it off before you see Leo. I'm just saying...."  
  
"Yea."   
  
"So..."  
  
"Do me a favor, and don't..."  
  
"I know. Don't say anything to anyone."  
  
I see CJ in the doorway, before I've been able to remove the lipstick. "Don't tell anyone what?" Then she peers closely at me. "Josh? Did you know you have lipstick on your face?"  
  
We are so busted. All I can do is lean over and beat my forehead on the desk.   
  
"Is he okay?" I assume she's asking Sam.  
  
"Yea, he'll be fine. Hey, Josh, just so you know, there's no one to tell. We all know anyway."  
  
I look up. "That's what Donna said."  
  
"Donna?!" CJ feigns surprise and shock. "Does *she* have something to do with that lipstick being on your face? I am so stunned."  
  
I point to the door. "Out. Both of you. Just get out. I'll be in Leo's office a few minutes."  
  
~~~   
From my perch at my desk I've heard the whole exchange in Josh's office and my face is flaming bright red as they pass me. They both just smile, you know one of *those* smiles and say, "Hi, Donna." I hate them.  
  
I grab a tissue and tentatively enter Josh's office again.. "Josh."  
  
"Don't worry. It's okay." He smiles, showing me those beautiful, sweet dimples that have killed me since the day we met. "It was worth the humiliation."  
  
"For me, too. Now, come here and let me get the rest of that lipstick off your face before you have to face Leo."  
  
As I'm wiping the lipstick off, he grabs my hand. "Promise me we can do this again soon in a more private place. I mean, you know, like tonight?"  
  
"But you're going to your mother's for Thanksgiving."  
  
"I canceled."  
  
"Josh! You canceled? Does she know?"  
  
"She knows. I told her I needed to stay here. That there was someone here I was especially thankful for this year and that I really felt like I needed to stay."  
  
I feel tears welling in my eyes. "Oh, Josh. That is so sweet."  
  
"It's Sam. I'm thankful for Sam."  
  
He starts laughing as I smack him, pretty hard, on the chest.   
  
"Just kidding. I mean, I am thankful for Sam, but I don't want to show him how much in quite the same way I want to show you. So would tonight be too soon to show you how thankful I am for you? At my place?"  
  
I ponder this for a minute and take a deep breath before I answer. "Not nearly soon enough, Joshua. Not nearly soon enough." 


	4. Tonight's the Night

Chapter 4 - "Tonight's the Night"  
  
Thanksgiving Morning - Donna  
  
I awaken early to the sound of icy rain hitting the windows. It takes me a minute to remember where I am, to remember that the warm body sleeping next to me is really Josh, and to remember the incredible events of last night. It's also Thanksgiving Day and as I snuggle up against Josh, I smile at the memories we made last night.   
  
Thanksgiving Eve - Josh  
  
So, tonight's the night. God, I hope she doesn't change her mind. It's late, nearly 10:00, and I'm wandering around my apartment aimlessly. I guess you could say I'm impatient. In fact, I'm beyond impatient. I wonder what's keeping her and look out the window. It's raining, and I know it will probably turn to ice before morning. I hope she decides to take a cab instead of driving herself. Finally I decide to build a fire, light some candles and put on some music. I choose an eclectic mix of John Prine, George Harrison, David Gray and, just for Donna, Yo-Yo Ma. I can't wait to see her face when she hears this. I say this out loud.   
  
I glance at my watch just as I hear the knock at the door. Finally. I breathe in a deep sigh of relief as I open the door and that sigh catches in my throat. Standing before me is Donnatella, looking beautiful in jeans and a red blouse. Her face is flushed. I hope it's from excitement.   
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hi." She smiles and I'm sure it's excitement, anticipation that I see on her face.   
  
I run my hand through my hair. "Did you take a cab? Tell me you took a cab."  
  
"I did."  
  
"Good. I was worried about you."  
  
I take her bags, and her coat, and set them down, then take her hand and pull her into the apartment as I close the door. I can't take my eyes off her. And I'm nervous as hell. Finally, I find my voice.  
  
"Ah, alone at last."  
  
"Yes, at last. At long last."  
  
"So, where were we?"   
  
She puts her hands on my waist as I put my hands on her shoulders and gently push her against the door. As my mouth covers hers, I put my hand under her blouse and find her breast: the very breast I was caressing when Sam so rudely interrupted us earlier in my office. I think I moan when I realize she isn't wearing a bra.  
  
"Oh, yes, Josh. This is right where we were." Her voice is deliciously breathless.  
  
I kiss her gently at first, then more hungrily. I simply can't get enough of her. I want to devour her. And I think she wants to devour me, too. We try. Finally we come up for air, panting.  
  
"Donna...Jesus...."  
  
She smiles. "We're really here aren't we? I mean, tell me this isn't some dream I'm having, and that I'm not going to just wake up frustrated again."  
  
I grin. "You've woken up frustrated? God, I love the images *that* conjures up." Seriously. I love that image. Note to self: Revisit this topic again. Soon.  
  
She feigns shock. She's good at this. "Josh! Just tell me this is really happening."  
  
"Yes, and we're finally going to..." I let out a yelp. "God, life is sweet."  
  
She laughs and puts her arms around my neck. We kiss for a while longer, until she starts tugging at my shirt. Her voice is desperate. "Get. This. Off. Now."   
  
Of course, I oblige. In fact, I think I'd do just about anything she asked me to do right now. Her hands are cold on my chest and they send a jolt of electricity through me. She pulls them away and starts to unbutton her blouse. She's looking at me over her lashes, biting her lower lip.. God, she is so seductive. I cover her hands with mine and pull them away.  
  
"Let me. Please. I've wanted to do this for so long."  
  
She smiles, her hands grazing mine as she watches me slowly unbutton her blouse. I want to savor every minute. Finally I push the blouse from her shoulders and it falls to the floor. I gasp. She's truly exquisite. Breathtaking. I think I say these words out loud but I can't be sure. I'm totally lost in the moment and I'm mesmerized by the pale smoothness of her skin.   
  
I think my voice goes up an octave or two. "God, Donna. You're even more beautiful than I imagined."  
I pull her close, skin against skin and the feel of her breasts against me sends another shiver up my spine. I swallow hard as her hands find the button of my jeans. The anticipation is killing me, but I don't really want our first time to be in the foyer of my apartment. I'm just saying.   
  
Gently I take her hand and say, "Wait, Donna. Come with me."  
  
I lead her into the living room where I toss a few pillows from the couch on the rug in front of the fireplace.  
I see a look of mild panic on her face when she sees the fire. "Josh, you built a fire. Please tell me Sam wasn't here to give you a hand."  
  
"Hey! Be nice. No, Sam wasn't here.. I promise it's safe. Besides, I'm a reformed man, Donna. My pyromaniac days are over."  
  
She reaches up to touch my face. "Good. It's nice. Very nice. Warm."  
  
We reach for each other again, a desperate tangle of kisses, and hands struggling to remove clothes. Finally we're naked and lying in front of the fire. "Ah," is just about all I can get out as we explore each other with our eyes, our hands, our mouths, our tongues, learning the things about each other that we've only dreamed about until now.   
  
I pull her body close to mine and bury my face in her neck, breathing in the scent of her. I've been close enough before to do this, to catch the faint scent of her delicate perfume, her hair, but never so intimately.   
"Josh." Her voice is breathless, and as I lift my head to meet her eyes I see the yearning, the urgency in them. I trail light kisses up her stomach, her chest, her neck, and her shoulders until I find her mouth again. Perched above her I feel her hands gently guiding me to her. We both cry out when I first enter her. We've been building toward this sacred moment for so long. It's been four long years of foreplay. We both know this. I smooth the hair back from her face, my hands on either side of her head.   
  
I whisper. "Donnatella. I love you so much."   
  
I see tears slip from her eyes when she hears the beginnings of the music of Yo-Yo Ma. They say that timing is everything in life and this is one of those divine moments one can only hope for. I wipe the tears away with my thumbs.   
  
She laughs a little. "I'm happy, Josh. I'm just so happy."   
  
I sigh against her mouth, whispering her name over and over. As we begin to move together, there is the overwhelming thrill of finally being with Donna. Really being with her. But even more thrilling is finding our rhythm so effortlessly, as if we've done this a thousand times before.   
  
Soon I feel her hands on my chest, gently pushing me over onto my back. "Oh, God." I grasp her waist with my hands as she straddles me, leaning over me, her long, soft hair brushing my chest.  
  
"You like this?" I can only nod and moan and entwine my hands with hers as she rocks gently back and forth on me. There is a look of total bliss on her face. "I believe I have finally rendered you speechless, Josh Lyman."  
  
She's right. I am speechless, and all I know in this moment is that above me, making love to me with everything she has, is the sexiest, most beautiful, desirable woman in the world. And I love her beyond all reason. I hope I can find a way to show her this. To tell her this. To not screw this up.   
  
Donna is chanting my name and I feel myself starting to lose control. "Now Joshua? Now? " I nod and grasp her hands tighter, rising up to meet her as she shudders against me with her own release. I take her face in my hands and pull her down to kiss her. She falls against me and I gather her in my arms, her head on my shoulder. Oh, yes. Life is definitely sweet.  
  
Thanksgiving Morning - Donna  
  
I feel Josh tighten his arm around me and bury his face in my neck. "Morning."  
  
I turn to face him and can't stop smiling. "Morning"  
  
"We don't have to go to work." His voice is full of excitement.  
  
"No we don't. Happy Thanksgiving."  
  
"What do you say we just spend all day right here?"  
  
"Whatever will we do all day, Josh?"  
  
"Hmm...let me see if I can think of something." With that he kisses me, exploring the inside of my mouth slowly and languidly with his tongue. As he kisses me, he makes light circular motions on my stomach with his hand, inching his way down until he touches me in just the right place.  
  
I sigh, breathless. "Mmmm. I think this will do." My expression turns serious. "I love you, Josh. I've loved you for a long time."  
  
"Not as long as I've loved you."  
  
"When did you know?"  
  
"Seriously? It was that wonderful first day I met you when you scammed your way into my life and my heart."  
  
I laugh. "And just why do you think I did that? I was wildly in love with you at first sight."  
  
He smiles. "We have lots to be thankful for today don't we?"  
  
"Indeed we do, Josh. Indeed we do."  
  
The End 


End file.
